Children can be very difficult to deal with at times that too saying no to kids creates an adverse situation. After a hard day at work, dealing with a frustrated, fussy and a moody child throwing tantrums on them and demanding or expecting them to do things at their beck and call can be very frustrating and annoying for a parent too. However, we forget that like us even children have their best days and not so many good days. They act moody and fussy and they ask to indulge in a few things and that is their only way to deal with such bad days. This may not always be the case and it may be their need to feel pampered at that time and sometimes they make unreasonable requests for getting pampered.
Some days using the word “no” can make you look like the villains of happiness in their lives, leaving your children in a grumpy mood. Denying them is that something for their own good, but little hearts fail to understand your thoughts. Have you ever felt guilty about saying “no” to your child’s requests? Have you ever wish to know a better way to deal with a specific “no” situation? Yes, read on to find out how you can overcome these adversities.
Does it really mean that you should never tell a toddler no?
Oftentimes, saying “no” tends to be a quick response to protect your child from doing something that could harm them or to teach the consequences of their actions. Unexplained “No” may leave the child confused and frustrated. Excessive use of the word “no” may be associated with something that is wrong and may cause your child to become more cynical, rebellious and starts throwing tantrums. A “No” without explanation makes the kid face challenges on the consequences. Avoiding a direct “no” or trying with any other alternative ways to say no makes the child optimistic and look at the situation from different perspectives.
Alternatives to say no to kids without uttering “NO”
- Affirm the “yes” first – Agree with your kid for what they demand but package it in a different manner. For instance, if your kid demands for having an ice cream before dinner, you can say “Yes you can enjoy a bowl of ice cream but after the dinner”. Your child may not realize as you did not deny directly before dinner, they accept the way that you allowed them to have an ice cream.
- Offer an alternative – Not all the demands of the kids are to be fulfilled. For instance, if your kid is asking for a toy which the other kid poses and if you cannot afford nor have no liking on it, you can present an alternative saying the advantages and create the interest on the toy which you like to buy for them. Children would feel happy and better to be gifted.
- Offer a choice to your child – Try offering a choice to your kids, this trick sometimes work better. For instance, if you kid demands to have a chocolate before eating food, you can offer a choice like saying “Yes you can have a chocolate but whether you want to eat one chocolate before food or two chocolates after food “. Let them choose from the option and make a decision by themselves. Most of the times, children tend to chose the latter option.
- Distract you child – If you do not wish to satisfy the demands of your kid that time, try to distract them showing or speaking on things that are even more interesting. Your child may forget on what they were demanding for.
- Shift their energy – Try playing or pretending like a monster that will eat the kids who are demanding for candies or ice cream and run back of them to catch them around the house as they run away from you. Kids get distracted and forget what they are asking for and engage their energy in playing. Once they become tired, they’ll end up with dinner and go to sleep.
- Introduce them to check with authorities figures – Kids tend to be little scared to the authoritive figures like doctors, teachers… Tell your kids and make them indulge in getting permission from them for what they are demanding for, they’ll have to wait till next meeting for their demand.
- Join them – Try to join with them for their demands and share them you too have the same feeling. For instance, if your kid wishes to have an ice cream before food, you can say them that you too wish to have an ice cream and tell them ‘we’ll eat up food quickly and shall have an ice cream together’. Kids tend to be happy for your company and an offer too.
- Explain the logic -Kids fail to see the logic behind our unexplained “no”. Explain them the logic or reason behind the disapproval that makes them to ponder over their request and may later agree with what you say. Sometimes kids tend to behave like grownups and like when parents take efforts to speak with them.
- Relate to story book characters – Children will tend to pretend play with the toys or dolls what they have learnt from us. Try to post demand for the toy as your kid, they do not like their favorite toy to get rebel and kids would try to understand and listen to what you say. If it is conveyed through the story, kids try to ask questions around it and forget things what they were demanding for.
- Avoid stop sounds – Words play a major role when you want to say no positively to your child. Your child will soon learn to differentiate which discipline words and demand are more powerful for a quicker response than others. Children will try to understand which sound of yours is a strong aversion and which sound is for their liberty. As a parent, arm yourself with alternate for “stop- what you are doing” sounds so that you can choose the one that fits the situation. So you can communicate to your child by using a firmer tone in this way and thus we can avoid using negative word “no”.
- Get strategic:When you say to your child “don’t stand on the sofa”, all your kid hears is “stand on the sofa” and they continue to do without listening to your exact words. It’s more effective to say” please keep your feet on the ground”, this is more effective than a “no or don’t”.
More ways to say no without actually saying ‘NO’
- In place of… “No more ice cream”, try with… “I know you like ice creams but eating too much is not good for you”.
- In place of…”You can’t go across the street”, try with… “Can you please help mommy to clean the house”.
- In place of… “Don’t shatter your food”, try with…”Can you show me how nicely you eat”.
- In place of… “Don’t take knives”, try with… “Knives are dangerous and toys you play with are safe”.
- In place of… “Don’t throw the ball inside the house”, try with…”You can roll the ball inside and throw the ball outside the house. Which one you would prefer”.
- In place of… “Stop hitting”, try with… “Can you show me how you are gentle”.
- In place of…”Stop touching the phone”, try with…”Can mommy have the phone and you have a toy?”.
The Takeaway
Parenting is an art which can be done in an effective and fruitful way. The point here is – it does not mean that you should never tell a “No” to your kid, but say them without using the negative and actual word. Instead, try the goal of teaching the consequences around them behind the word ‘no’. Sometimes there is a need that you simply have to say ‘no’. But do remember not to over correct your child but create a balanced parenting style that is consistent, clear and positive.